How Gorila Can Hurt Gay

Two gay men were visiting a zoo, when they found themselves at the gorilla cage.

The gorilla was sitting there with a huge erection.

Unable to contain himself one of the men reaches in to touch it. As soon as his arm goes into the cage, the gorilla grabs him, and takes him into the cage...slams him to the floor and screws him senseless.

A few days later in the hospital the boyfriend visits and asks his partner if he is hurt..... "Hurt? You bet I'm hurt. He hasn't phoned, he hasn't written..."

Learning Part

Another gay joke. His partner ask him expecting that he might physically hurt from Gorilla rape. However, the gay who got raped replies that he is so mentally hurt that the gorilla never contact him again after making love with him. So funny......

Erection = Getting hard / upright (especially use with penis)

Screw = It means have sex in the story

Cage = A structure to put animals inside.

Rape = Force other person to have sex with

Kind Daddy

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

Smart Kids 2

TEACHER    : Why are you late?  
WEBSTER   : Because of the sign.  
TEACHER    : What sign  
WEBSTER   : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." 

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TEACHER   : Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? CINDY       : You told me to do it without using tables! 

TEACHER    : What is the chemical formula for water?  
SARAH        : H I J K L M N O!!  
TEACHER    : What are you talking about?  
SARAH        : Yesterday you said it's H to O!  

______________  

TEACHER  : George, go to the map and find North America.  
GEORGE    : Here it is!  
TEACHER   : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?  
CLASS       : George!

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TEACHER   : Jo, how do you spell "crocodile?"  
JOHN         : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"  
TEACHER   : No, that's wrong  
JOHN         : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

Riddles of Alphabet

Q: What letter of the alphabet is an insect?
A: B. (bee)

Q: What letter is a part of the head?
A: I. (eye)

Q: What letter is a drink?
A: T. (tea)

Q: What letter is a body of water?
A: C. (sea)

Q: What letter is a pronoun like "you"?
A: The letter " I "

Q: What letter is a vegetable?
A: P. (pea)

Q: What letter is an exclamation?
A: O. (oh!)

Q: What letter is a European bird?
A: J. (Jay)

Q: What letter is looking for causes ?
A: Y. (why)

Q: What four letters frighten a thief?
A: O.I.C.U. (Oh I see you!)

Q: What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but not once in a thousand years?
A: The letter "m".

Q: Why is the letter "T" like an island ?
A: Because it is in the middle of waTer.

Q: In what way can the letter "A" help a deaf lady?
A: It can make "her" "hear.

Q: Which is the loudest vowel?
A: The letter "I". It is always in the midst of noise

Q: What way are the letter "A" and "noon" alike?
A: Both of them are in the middle of the "day".

Q: Why is "U" the happiest letter?
A: Because it is in the middle of "fun".

Q: What word of only three syllables contains 26 letters?
A: Alphabet = (26 letters)

Q: What relatives are dependent on "you"?
A: Aunt, uncle, cousin. They all need "U".

Q: What is the end of everything?
A: The letter "g".

A man is talking to God

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."

Smart Kids

TEACHER    : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.  Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY      : "Because George still had the ax in his hand."

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TEACHER    : Now, ! Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SAM           : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.  
WILLIE    : Me! 

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TEACHER   : Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?  
TOMMY     : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.  

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TEACHER   : Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."  
ELLEN        : I is...  
TEACHER   : No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."  
ELLEN        : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

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TEACHER    : "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY     : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

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TEACHER    : Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as brother's.     Did you copy his?
DESMOND   : No, teacher, it's the same dog!

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TEACHER      : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer  interested?
PUPIL             : A  teacher.

Marriage Life

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... Anonymous

You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berl

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

First Wedding Night

The new married couple are having their first night in the bedroom. Suddenly, the man asks his wife.

Man to wife on wedding night: "You sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with ?"
Wife replied: " Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others !"

Dear Boss

Dear Boss,

People who do lots of work... make lots of mistakes

People who do less work...

make less mistakes

People who do no work...

make no mistakes

People who make no mistakes...

gets promoted

That's why I spend most of my time

sending e-mails & playing games at work

I need a promotion.

What time is it ?

A tramp lie down and sleep in the park. He had been sleeping for about 5 minutes when a couple walked by. The man stopped, woke the tramp up , and asked him, "Excuse me.

Do you know what the time is?" The tramp replied, "I'm sorry - I don't have a watch, so I don't know the time."

The man apologised for waking the tramp and the couple walked away.

The tramp lay down again, and after a few minutes went back to sleep. Just then, a woman, who was out walking her dog, shook the tramp's shoulder until he woke up again.

The woman said, "I'm sorry to trouble you, but I'm afraid I've lost my watch - do you happen to know the time?" The tramp was a little annoyed at being woken up again, but he politely told the woman that he didn't have a watch and didn't know the time.

After the woman had gone, the tramp had an idea.

He opened the bag that contained all his possessions and got out a pen, a piece of paper and some string. On the paper, he wrote down, 'I do not have a watch. I do not know the time'.

He then hung the paper round his neck and eventually dropped off again.

After about 15 minutes, a policeman who was walking through the park noticed the tramp asleep on the bench, and the sign around his neck.

He woke the tramp up and said, "I read your sign. I thought you'd like to know that it's 2:30 p.m."

 

Learning Part

Tramp = Homeless person

Apologize = To make excuse for a fault or offense

Politely = Adv for Politely. Refine / Showing consideration for others

Contain = To have as component part

Possession = Noun for possess. To own something

What Panda Does In Cafe

A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit.

The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder. "I'm a panda," he says, at the door.

"Look it up." The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation...

"Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."

Learning Part

You will understand the joke if you know that the author play with word "shoot and leave."

The meaning of shoot in the manual means "a part of bamboo" and leaves mean "a green part of tree" but panda misunderstood the meaning.